Wander

Let yourself wander from time to time

WANDER. It’s mid-June and I haven’t written here in a few months, and even though I journal daily, words fail to meet the page sometimes for the eyes of others. I remind myself that is just part of the writing process. Not everything is meant to be shared. The rhythms of spring, a new job, and New York City have won over my attention lately, and it’s been a good kind of busy where you put your head down only to look up and notice how full the days have been.

It was around this time last spring that I communicated to my former bosses that I was going to leave the finance industry after five years at the firm. I stayed on a couple months longer even after heading out of the city for the summer, and although I had known for some time I was going to walk away, that is when the external shifts in my life began.

While that chapter of wall street served me in so many ways, leaving was the best and boldest decision I’ve ever made for myself. I’ve told family and friends over this past year that I’ve never been happier, and I’ve meant it. I’ve let myself wander towards nature, movement, rest, joy, passion, intuition, and creativity. It has led me to more than I knew, and the time I gave myself was a gift.

I think there is an art to wandering: a need, desire or longing that calls to us from time to time. It invites us to move without an exact destination in mind, only using our inner compass to guide us towards new and uncharted paths.

I spent a month in Samoa during the summer of 2018 in college running basketball clinics for boys & girls while researching the social & cultural attitudes towards female athletes.

I’ve felt fortunate to experience my own adventures over the past decade, but most occurred with a particular destination or outcome planned ahead. I studied abroad one summer, backpacked parts of a national trail another, and pursued a research fellowship (referenced above) too. All of which were amazing experiences, and I certainly considered them opportunities to wander back then, but I’ve started to believe that sometimes wandering means allowing ourselves to see where an adventure may take us.

I think wandering has a way of being exciting and whimsical, while simultaneously nerve racking because in those moments you don’t know where something will lead you. Yet, around the corner is the possibility that the course might reveal something that inspires us, meets us, and leaves us different than before. I also believe it’s okay to let ourselves wander from time to time because:

“Not all who wander are lost.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

Over the past year, I’ve let myself wander and I haven’t felt lost. I’ve been able to move at my own pace, one that has felt slower, more intentional, more in rhythm with how my body naturally operates, and it has allowed me to feel both present to my life and grounded in it.

I let myself wander last summer in Michigan: at the cottage that welcomed me, in the woods that surrounded me, on a lake that held me, through open fields along winding roads, and over rolling hills of sand dunes with family, friends, and neighbors.

I let myself wander in NYC last fall: I was back for a couple months searching for a job, and found myself gravitating towards all sorts of creative spaces and activities. I went to bookstores, art classes, stationery shops, and author speaking events on repeat. I let myself wander into stores, down streets and avenues that peaked my interest purely because I had the privilege of time.

I let myself wander on my adventures in the Alps: I listened to how my body wanted to move each day and let it guide me around the mountains. I knew the countries I was going to visit, but I only had my accommodations planned, and so aside from a couple spots on my list for each, I followed where my body led me.

When I returned from that trip, my sabbatical as I now call it, felt complete. I was excited to work, get my hands on something new, and of course, meet reality with the need for an income again. I was looking at jobs across industries in various roles, but I knew I needed to do something I felt connected to where I could see both purpose and impact in the business. I had other parameters that allowed me to parse through companies, but that aspect was something I wouldn’t compromise on.

That process led me to a role at a startup that I began a couple months ago. It feels creative, dynamic, mission driven and interesting. It’s female founded and female led. I respect the founder, and admire the business she has built. It’s actively growing and evolving. It works with chiropractors, wellness practitioners, and entrepreneurs to coach them on growing their own businesses while building more freedom in their lives. It came about with ease and met me when I needed it. I’m learning each day, and I feel challenged in a way that’s different than working at a global bank. I’m going to let this job carry me because I know it’s in the direction I want to keep wandering.

My brother’s college graduation was in mid-May and the commencement speaker, The President of the Greater Boston Food Bank, sang a song at the end she had written that said “in the hours of my life, there I wander, in the hours of my happiness, I wander.” Having already known I wanted to write about this concept, these lyrics reminded me how we are all meant to wander during certain seasons of our lives, and we are allowed to be happy in our moments of wander too.

The past year or so has felt like a dance of wandering off the linear path that had been laid out before me, allowing myself to carve my own way without knowing what ten steps ahead looks like, and also trusting I’ll find myself wherever I’m meant to next.

More change is coming, the kind that feels bittersweet and makes me smile with gratitude and slight tears in my eyes. It is the kind of change that feels expansive and part of the natural rhythms of life, so I’m going to keep wandering without the need to know how it might unfold because:

Book Recommendation:

I hate admitting when I go through seasons where I read less, but I know that is the ebb and flow of life. Books are my anchor, especially as I fall asleep each night, and as summer approaches, I know I’ll get to dive into more. I finally got around to The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah. This isn’t a new one, but probably one of her most famous and absolutely worth a read. Two sisters are met with deep hardship when Nazi Germany invaded Paris, France in 1940 about nine months after World War II began. A story of bravery, of loss, of hope, of sisterhood, and of love, you are left in awe of these two women and all they endured both on their own and with each other. I have been a fan of Kristen Hannah’s works, and respect how this novel deeply captures a historical event while crafting a full story beneath its edges.